Crow’s feet, crow’s mind

Or mindless collecting vs utilitarian worth

Growing up in a turbulent country during a testing time in history, I learned to be frugal from a young age. Then I moved to the US, and the cultural shock was real; consumerism became ever-present, online shopping was now at the tip of my fingers and quite convenient, and the ads just about started popping up on the surface of my morning coffee (undipped).

Naturally, as I grew older, not only did I get crow’s feet but I also became complacent, and my mind got accustomed to the culture of buying everything shiny. In my crow’s mind, the availability of fountain pens became my downfall. Only after I sunk a substantial amount of money into the hobby did I learn about the difference between acquiring and collecting. I believe that most of us started with acquiring, but not all of us became collectors; users, sure, but collectors — not necessarily. Then again, I still have several limited edition pens that I have not inked up just because they were limited and/or expensive. I do not intend to sell them, so why am I keeping them in mint condition?

The price tag? My Vanishing Point Raden Stripe remains my most expensive pen to date (although I did not pay the current price of over $500, I got a really good deal — a lie I love to tell myself), and it lives within the plastic “condom” in my pen box so it doesn’t get scratched.

The exclusivity? I have a BENU White Christmas, one of fifty pens they made. I actually own the 01/50. Impressed? I sure am. So why don’t I use it?

The posterity? I found a Retro 51 Apollo on Reddit; the person selling it tried to unsuccessfully do so for a solid year so they gave me a discount. It is still in its original packaging, and I cannot bring myself to actually opening it and admiring it in my hand.

What gives? I never thought I would be the kind of person who would spend a load of money on a work of art tool and then not use it. What is the point of a utilitarian object if you take away the utility of it? I am not one to buy a new pair of sneakers if my previous one hasn’t fallen apart. So why buy pens I don’t use?

Maybe it is the combination of all of the above. I am scared to “ruin” something that might be worth more in the future; but I cannot bring myself to sell pens I know I won’t use and that don’t have a place in my collection. I know I will not be letting go any of those coveted pens I have acquired. The only pens I have let go or sold were those I immediately replaced with their cousins in a different finish.

What I think happens is that I just find beauty in the objects I use every day; things that bring me joy; those pens that I get to either use, play with, test, or just look at. It is quite interesting to look back at the progression from a Pilot Metropolitan, to a regular Vanishing Point and Custom 91 (yes, I like Japanese exclusives, deal with it) or 74, to a 742, to a Raden Vanishing Point. From a sub $1 pen to a $500 pen. And yet, I still can’t get rid of either; the collection keeps growing.

The thing about acquiring vs using is that we get tricked into believing one is inherently better than the other, when in reality, unless you’re a minimalist, a stoic, or an adult who actually needs to adult, the actual value lies within oneself. If someone buys a postmodernist painting of a square within a square and displays it over their mantelpiece, who am I to tell them that is absolutely absurd and there is no point in it? If you derive joy out of a physical object, and it doesn’t hurt you or your future or people around you, I do not find a significant difference in the choice between just possessing, and actually using that object. So, sure, FOMO made you buy that Benu or this Sailor or that Kaweco or a glow in the dark TWSBI Eco, but what’s wrong with that if, in the end, you get a slight rush of dopamine in this world of overconsumption and fleeting fun? Perhaps the whole idea behind consumerism is to avert our minds from the fact there is nothing much more to life of the 99% of us than maximizing pleasure and minimizing pain. And, to be frank, if I can’t change that, I can very well enjoy what I can make of life.

This was not supposed to be a dark post, but just a reminder to enjoy life. If you overspend on a pen, you still got some of it. The most important thing in life — the only thing we cannot buy more of — is time. And if we spend our time on this earth not enjoying life, then what are we even doing?

So, I know what my next huge pen purchase will be, but I won’t tell you, not right now. I just know I won’t be selling any of my old pens to fund that one, but I might sell a kidney. After all, I have two, and who needs two identical organs?

What is your next grail, and why is it more than what you would spend on any other hobby?