Bed, Wed, or Behead: fountain pen edition

Because f***, marry, kill is too trite

Similarly to another cool project, the Fountain Pen Alignment Chart, this topic would be too broad if we were talking about all pens out there, or if we didn’t narrow down the categories in which we operate. One may ask, “But,

@idipbananasintocoffee

, isn’t this going too far? We can’t marry pens, and we can only unnib them, as they have no heads”, and you’d probably be right. We can’t unnib all of them. But let’s be real, isn’t there that one pen that you simply cannot stand? Your pen case would be just better off without it?

Let’s behead.

I chose arbitrary rules to give myself a tiny bit of a challenge. All opinions are my own, and this is all done in jest, and I’m going to be talking only about my own pens. I’m sure your Lamy Safari is super good and the best pen you’ve ever used though.

Glossary: “wed” would be the one pen I’d keep if all others in that category were to disappear tomorrow; “bed” would be the pen I think looks absolutely stunning but is for some reason volatile or unreliable and wouldn’t commit; “behead” is the pen I just would toss out of the window if I didn’t think pens are totally sentient.

Starter pens

Starter pens are those first several pens you get because you’ve watched one too many Goulet Pens’ videos¹ and most commonly, those would be the Pilot Metropolitan, Lamy Safari, Platinum Preppy, Pilot Varsity, etc. They’re inexpensive, sometimes come in fun colors, sometimes look more like toys, but even years into the hobby, we still look at them fondly as we grab a different pen to use instead.

Wed. If you thought I would say anything other than Pilot Metropolitan, you’re wrong. And it would be the plain one with the F nib that came scratchy but with some TLC, I can say it’s a great writer now. Aged like a fine wine. Good choice.

Bed. See, I have to kinda break my own rules a bit, or at least tweak them. Penbbs was one of the first brands I’ve used, and when the model 309 came out, their first piston, I bit the bullet and bought the Hawaii finish. If you haven’t used this pen, the reason why I would think it’s volatile is the fact that the piston gets stuck from time to time, which, honestly, would make it not beginner friendly, but I want to say that there are resources out there that would help even the newbiest of newbies; some TWSBI silicon grease from that Eco you’re bound to have at this point will fix the issue. Oh and a toothpick to push the piston up the barrel.

Behead. For all the Lamy fans, I am sorry, but I absolutely cannot stand the triangle grip on the Safari. However, I don’t own one if you don’t count the Vista, but I kinda like the Vista, and I’m not convinced most people start with an Al-Star that I do have. In that case, I’m going with the plasticky Platinum Preppy. Yes sure it won’t dry out and I have kept mine inked with Carbon Black since 2020, but there is something about that little nib that just irks me. It was so dry with the Blue Black cartridge it came with I almost gave up on it. It’s a chuck this in a bag and get frustrated if you break it kind of pen for me.

Left to right or down to up? Pilot Metropolitan, Penbbs 309, Platinum Preppy.

Pens over $200

The number isn’t as arbitrary as it might seem, as 200 is the new 150. More and more next level pens shoot for the $200 price tag despite not bringing anything new to the table, or while still sporting subpar steel nibs. Don’t get me wrong, there are some steel nibs that perform way better than gold counterparts; I am just talking about those that should have remained in the sub $120 range.

Wed: To annoy Toga, I’ll say Pilot VP Raden Stripes. Haven’t yet inked it. We’re saving ourselves for a special occasion.

Bed: Before the price increase, the Diplomat Elox Matrix was about $160, and I thought it was a decent price and one I was willing to spend to try that amazing Diplomat steel nib, and it really deserved all the rave. But that slippery grip drives me bonkers, makes my hand cramp, and I really think it shouldn’t cost that much. Then again, the nib is better than at least two of my gold nibs.

Behead. Off with Platinum 3776 Ascending Dragon’s nib. What even is Platinum gold nibs? Why is this B nib so bad I almost chucked the whole pen? This is the pen I’m bringing to a pen show to have someone put a solid grind on it, because otherwise, I’m this close to selling it. I bought it with the intention of swapping the SF nib into it, but of course, the feed won’t come out. Of course. So now I’m stuck with a horrible nib in a pen that doesn’t look as great anymore due to all the frustrations.

L

Left to right: Pilot VP, Diplomat Elox, Platinum 3776.

Demonstrators

Ah, demonstrators, the bane of my existence. Those pens I absolutely need to have, and then they all look the same to me, and they’re stained, yet here I am, acquiring more than I can deal with. Aside from some snide comments that demonstrators look cheap, they beat any ink window ever made. Side note, since I have way too many demos, I’m staying under a certain price point.

Wed. TWSBI Eco Crème in M. A gift for my birthday this year, and, plot twist, I think this one looks better than the Coffee or Cafe or however they named the brown pen that followed. It’s not the trim; the trim I can live without, as rose gold isn’t my favorite. It’s the beautiful color of a banana mixed into my morning cold foam that caught my eye and told me it was the one. The writing experience is as any other TWSBI I’ve ever used: amazing out of the box. Success rate 100%. All thanks go to my brother who got it for me.

Bed. TWSBI 580 ALR in Prussian Blue with B nib. Hear me out. The ink that gets stuck in the grip can be removed with a wet paper towel as long as you push it in the grooves with your fingernail. Since that is the main issue that I’ve seen online, there’s the solution. Issue aside, the pen is a stunner, and I didn’t know I liked B nibs until I met this one. The reason this pen is not the “wed” material is the fact it’s slightly heftier than the Eco, and sometimes that’s a good thing, but sometimes I just want to use a vape to write nonsense.

Behead. Pelikan m205 clear demonstrator in F nib, hands down. I respect the history, I respect the name, and I’m sure any other size would be amazing, but what am I doing with a small, insignificant nib, a grip that’s as appealing as having to eat brown bananas, and a piston that appears like it would get stuck down the line. I naively thought I would get an amazing writing experience with my first Pelikan, but alas… it’s a toy with a hefty price tag².

Left to right: TWSBI Eco, 580 ALR, and Pelikan m205.

Conclusion

Those would be my pen picks if I had to pick one in each category. As mentioned, all opinions are my own. Let me know what is that pen you’d sentence to denibbing if you could!

Also, consider subscribing or sharing this post or publication with others. We have to figure out who’s the arch villain amongst pens.

1. I’m looking at you, past me.

2. I bought it used thankfully.